Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
