If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
