So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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