I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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