The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im holly from the hills drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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