Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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