My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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