Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
