Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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