this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my shit smells like andre
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
MIDGETS
????
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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