Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
