i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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