Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
