you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
