I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
