worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
