How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
