i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
