I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
