The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
