I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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