I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
