the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
