Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
