If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
