i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
