i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
