please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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