hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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