so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
