Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
