i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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