WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
