How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm always down for nudity.
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