what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
