Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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