I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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