I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
