so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
