the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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