Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
