I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
