She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
