He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
