U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
