I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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