I just pynch a tree in the face
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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