You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
