Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Text me some of your sweat
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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