I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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