He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
