I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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