woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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