Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
