who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
